Jokes

The Date - His & Her Story....

A couple have been in a relationship for about four months now.
One Saturday evening they meet at a bar . They stay for a
few, then go on to get some food at a local restaurant near their
respective houses. They eat, then go back to his house and she
stays over.

Her story:

Well Dave was in an odd mood when I got to the bar, I thought it
might have been because I was a bit late but he didn't say
anything much about it, but the conversation was quite slow
going. I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we
could talk more privately. We went to this restaurant and he's
still a bit funny and I'm trying to cheer him up and start to
wonder whether it's me or something so I ask him and he says no
but you know I'm not really sure, so anyway, in the cab back to
his house I say that I love him and he just puts his arm around
me and I don't know what the hell that means because, you know,
he doesn't say it back or anything so when we get back to his
place I'm wondering if he's going off me and so I try to ask him
about it but he just switches on the TV and so I say I'm going to
go to sleep and then after about 10 minutes he joins me and we
have sex, but he seemed really distracted and so afterwards I
just want to leave and, I dunno, I just don't know what he thinks
anymore. I mean, do you think he's met someone else ???



His story:

Collingwood lost.
Got laid, tho!.

lol

hahahah

Collingwood suck anyway... he should be used to it!!!!

Nice one pixi

Two married mates are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. Take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up, and yells at me for staying out so late!

His mate looks at him and says "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach.

I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, pee hard into the toilet water, use the full flush, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then jump into bed, slap her on the arse and say, WHO'S HORNY????!!!" and she acts like she's sound asleep! It works every time!

BAHAHHAHAHA

That would sooooo work too

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
nice 1 pix

ROFLLAUGHOUTLOUDHELICOPTERBLADES.......

i dont get it


btw paris is sooo loose......

u could fit the Eiffel tower in there *sound of crickets and griddup's*

VoN mOo wrote:

ROFLLAUGHOUTLOUDHELICOPTERBLADES.......

i dont get it


btw paris is sooo loose......

u could fit the Eiffel tower in there *sound of crickets and griddup's*

ROFL

Miss Teen USA 2007 - Miss South Carolina attempts to answer a question

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Can't believe that south carolina chick... what a nuff....

there is a fly flying 8 inches above a lake. under this fly was a fish and this fish is thinking boy if I could get this fly to come down 5 inches I could jump out and get it. on the outside of this lake was a bear and this bear was thinking boy if I could get this fly down 5 inches the fish would jump out and get the fly and I could get the fish. behind this bear is a hunter and this hunter is thinking boy if I could get this fly down 5 inches the fish would jump out get the fly, the bear would get the fish, and I could shoot the bear. this hunter is eating a cheese sandwich. behind the hunter is a mouse the mouse is thinking boy if I could get this fly down 5 inches the fish will jump out get the fly, bear would get the fish, the hunter would shoot the bear and drop his cheese sandwich and I could get the cheese. behind this mouse is a cat and this cat is thinking boy if I could that fly down 5 inches the fish would jump out get the fly, the bear would get the fish, the hunter would shoot the bear and drop his cheese sandwich, the mouse would get the cheese and I could get the mouse. a gust of wind came by and knocked the the fly down 5 inches the fish jumped out got the fly, the bear got the fish, hunter shot the bear droped the cheese sandwich, the mouse got the cheese and the cats turn came and the cat tripped on a log and fell into the lake....
what is the moral of the story?...... every time a fly goes down 5 inches another pussy gets wet......

Greg walks in to his parents bedroom to find his dad giving his mum one. The dad laughs throws a pillow at Greg and tells him to get out. Hours later the dad hears a commotion coming from Greg's bedroom. He enters the bedroom to find Greg giving his nan one. The dad looks horrified. Not so funny when it's your mum is it...? says Greg

Pixelated Lady wrote:

Greg walks in to his parents bedroom to find his dad giving his mum one. The dad laughs throws a pillow at Greg and tells him to get out. Hours later the dad hears a commotion coming from Greg's bedroom. He enters the bedroom to find Greg giving his nan one. The dad looks horrified. Not so funny when it's your mum is it...? says Greg

Wrong on so many levels... but fkn funny!!!